Thursday, August 26, 2010

Spoiler, Spoiling, Spoiled - On Mockingjay and Why I'm Becoming a Hermit

No, this isn't a post about conjugating the verb "spoil." It's about that tiny minority of people who lack even an ounce of self-control or common decency that they just have to go out in public to discuss Katniss and Peeta and... and...

Aargghhh! I haven't even read the book and already I know what happened!

So, Mockingjay hit the streets two days ago and by early yesterday morning I was getting tweets and reading blogs where people were literally spilling spoilers without so much as a flashing SPOILER ALERT! signal you could see from a mile away. Nothing. Just, "Blah blah blah, Katniss this, blah blah blah, and then that happened." What? Are you serious? Come on people! Get a room.

I have unfriended, unlinked, unconnected, unfollowed and unwhatever about a half dozen people for unwelcome spoilage.

People, people, people... *shakes head* Don't you realize not everyone has the time to read a book within hours of its launch?

In my frustration, I unplugged myself from the etherworld and ventured out of my cave for a visit to the local library. Surely my fellow book lovers would have the common sense to keep their comments to themselves. But no. As soon as I walked in, I overheard the two children's book librarians whispering to each other: "...psst, pssst passt Hunger Games psst pssst psssst..."

I thought maybe a stroll in the park might be in order. Within minutes I encountered a fellow sunshine worshipper. I was a little leary to see that she was reading Collins' book, but she was alone and seemed to be keeping her comments to herself. Suddenly, she yells out, "Noooo! Not that!"

I ran from the park in abject terror with my hands over my ears before I could hear more.

The dog park was even worse. I wanted to yell at them to "Leash it!"

The grocery store produce section turned out to be a total spoiler-zone.

I couldn't even escape hearing bits and pieces in that last great bastion of the unread He-man, Home Depot.

Is there no sanctuary for the poor soul who cannot get to a book in less than a month after its launch? I envy those of you who can find the time to read for six hours straight (spoiled spoiler brats!). I can't even remember the last time I sat down and read a book cover to cover, with the possible exception of picturebooks. And even then I've frequently stopped in the middle of one because life interrupted. And those of you who read from 8PM to 2AM, sorry, but sleep is too precious a commodity. I also value my interactions with my family too much than to sequester myself from them.

Hold on a sec....

Oh, god! No! My son just walked in carrying around my copy of Mockingjay! And it looks like he's on the last few pages!

I wonder if I can I can keep him from talking about it for the next four weeks. Anyone know how long duct tape sticks to skin?

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about! When a new book comes out I intend to read, it's like dodging a mine field out there. Thanks for expressing this so cleverly!

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  2. I know what you mean: I was the last one in the family to read the last Harry Potter when it came out, and having to run out of the room got very tiring.

    I'm lucky: I don't have to leave my house (and I haven't read 'Hunger Games'). Next time something like the Harry Potter thing happens, I'll borrow one of my kids' MP-3 players and go around singing to myself all day. It's no more than they deserve.

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